There was a time when I was fascinated with cemeteries. When I was involved in paranormal investigation and mediumship, in fact, they were my favorite place for recording EVPs and taking spirit photos.
So it's not surprising really that while other people's Memorial Day trips to the cemetery were all about remembering their loved ones, my focus was on talking to spirits.
A Paranormal Memorial Day
There was one Memorial Day in particular when I visited the cemetery where my family was buried. I had the best of intentions. I'd even brought begonias to plant.
But before those begonias were even in the ground, I'd began to think about spirits.
I didn't have the recorder I liked to use for paranormal investigation with me so I decided to take a picture and look for orbs. But when I pulled out my fully charged phone, it abruptly shut down.
I'd fried my old phone, trying to take the spirit photo, a year or two earlier.. This current phone was the replacement. So I was annoyed that I'd even taken it out of the car. Annoyed but not afraid. Because it was my belief then that nothing on "the other side" could possibly hurt me.
I tried to restart my phone with no luck at all. So I decided to leave and check it phone again a few miles away from the cemetery.
Driving away, I felt the a presence with me in the car. It wasn't a peaceful presence. Instead it felt jangly and hyper. I had the sense that there were multiple spirits present. There was a giddy kind of energy that I found disturbing.
But, because of my occult belief system, I pushed my sense of unease aside, and decided to having a conversation. I told the spirits about what I was up to, asked for advice and waited for a response.
A few moments later, my phone turned back on. I plugged in the auxiliary cable and started to listen to the audio book I'd played on my way to the cemetery but all I heard was static. In between the bursts of interference I heard the word 'path.' Thinking of my question, I decided to take that word as a go.
Because everything, when it came to spirit communication, was always a go.
Back to the Cemetery
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The Rules of St. Ignatius
Since my phone was now working, I turned the car around and went back to the cemetery to try to capture some orbs. A part of me was hoping to receive more information from the spirits as well.
By the time I got back to the cemetery the spirits were no longer talking. So I took a few photos and left. On the way home, my audio book played clearly through the stereo speakers. My phone continued to function.
I don't even remember now, what kind of advice I asked for that day. But whatever it was I'm quite sure I took it heart.
It never occurred to me then that the spirits who spoke to me might not have my best interests at heart. Even though the so-called guidance I received over and over during my years in the occult only served to lead me from sin to sin.
Just as St. Ignatius said.
May God protect us all!
Why the Interest in Spiritual Warfare & the Demonic?
I've been studying spiritual warfare and the demonic (along with a range of traditional Catholic topics) ever since I came back to the Catholic Church in May of 2020. Some of the reasons for my interest in these topics include:
- I had direct personal experience with the demonic when I was involved in the occult and I was still confused about some of the things that had happened to me.
- I was experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare (and actually still do) because of the many doors I had opened during my time in the occult and needed to learn more about how to deal with it.
- I love to read and take notes and learn new things. One of the best feelings I know is the one you get when things that didn't make sense before finally start to fall into place.
Why I Almost Didn't Blog on These Topics
When I first started this blog almost two years ago, I called it New Age to Catholic. Mostly because I didn't want to admit that most of what I had been doing in the "New Age" was plain and unadulterated occultism. While it can be successfully argued that the New Age is filled with occult practices, there is no debating the fact that what I was doing was darker.
There was a part of me that just didn't want to admit that. And even after I came to terms with it, I didn't want to blog about it for the following reasons.
I thought people would consider a blog about such topics weird or dark.
And, the truth is, some do. They aren't completely wrong either because demons are dark. The problem is, pretending they don't exist only make it easier for them to operate. I still don't like the idea of being judged, however - and that is something that enemy has used against me over and over again.
I was afraid I'd experience an uptick in spiritual warfare.
This has happened. A couple days after I renamed the blog, I was so anxious about how people would react to it that I almost took it down. At 3 in the morning! Then I realized how over the top that kind of anxiety was. I've been writing and speaking publicly on various platforms since 2010 so it's very out of character for me to worry that much about anything I say online.
This wasn't the only episode of spiritual warfare I had to deal with but it was an instance that was relatively easy to fix. My anxiety faded quickly as I recited the Rosary in Latin and I fell asleep without deleting the site.
I was afraid that other Catholics would tell me I had no business writing on spiritual warfare & demonic influence
I haven't dealt with this directly as of yet, but I do know that many priests and exorcists have reservations about people who become overly interested in spiritual warfare and the demonology. And I do understand this concern. Especially because a lot of people are drawn to dark topics and it can cause problems.
Adam Blai, a psychologist and Church sanctioned lay demonologist deals with this issue in the question and answer section in the back of his very helpful book Possession, Exorcism and Hauntings (affiliate link).
Q: How do I become a demonologist? A: Why would you want to? Many people in the paranormal community, and in the public, seem to think demonology is "cool" or "exciting" or will make them famous. These reasons fade very quickly for those who actually meet a demon. Being a demonologist is a spiritual calling that leads one to live part of their life in nightmare environments of intense physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering that people go through. People don't choose to be demonologists or exorcists; God makes people demonologists or exorcists.
I don't necessarily disagree with the points made here. Because Blai is a practicing psychologist and a demonologist, I believe that he does see a LOT of suffering and I commend him for the work that he does. While I am certainly not an expert, however, I still feel called to share my own personal experience.
I was worried that it might be a slippery slope.
This, I think, is the concern most priests have when a member of their flock develops an interest in demonology, spiritual warfare or related topics - which I completely understand. There are many different ways that the devil can trip us up and I know, from experience, that people with an interest in the dark topics are definitely at risk.
But I don't think that ignorance is the answer. And I don't think that we can escape the devil's notice by keeping a low profile, either. Instead, I am convinced that our safety lies in our devotion to our Catholic faith. The more experience we have topics like this, the more focused our spiritual life needs to be. Some people may be able to get by as lukewarm Catholics. Those of us who have tiptoed through the dark cannot. To me, this alone is worth sharing.
Why I Decided to Blog on this Topic
It's one thing to read about spiritual warfare and the demonic, however, and another thing to publicly blog on it.
When I first started talking about my past experience in the occult, I didn't go into any real detail about my own experience with demons. But as time passed I began to become more and more aware of the degree of demonic activity in our society as a whole. And it concerned me.
So I decided that it made sense to talk about what had happened to me and what I am learning about it in hopes it will be of some use to others. In upcoming posts, I'll be sharing more about spiritual warfare and demonic influence from a Catholic perspective. So please do check back!
The Ghost of Tauriana
In 593 AD, Pope St. Gregory the Great tells this fascinating ghost story in his Dialogues:
Bishop Felix…said that he had been told of such a case by a saintly priest who was still living two years ago in the diocese of Centum Cellae as pastor of the Church of St. John in Tauriana [Italy]. This priest used to bathe in the hot springs of Tauriana whenever his health required. One day, as he entered the baths, he found a stranger there who showed himself most helpful in every way possible, by unlatching his shoes, taking care of his clothes, and furnishing him towels after the hot bath.After several experiences of this kind, the priest said the himself: ‘It would not do for me to appear ungrateful to this man who is so devoted in his kind services to me. I must reward him in some way.’ So one day he took along two crown-shaped loaves of bread to give him.When he arrived at the place, the man was already waiting for him and rendered the same services he had before. After the bath, when the priest was again fully dressed and ready to leave, he offered the man the present of bread, asking him kindly to accept it as a blessing, for it was offered a token of charity.But the man sighed mournfully and said, "Why do you give it to me, Father? That bread is holy and I cannot eat it. I who stand before you was once the owner of this place. It is because of my sins that I was sent back here as a servant. If you wish to do something for me, then offer this bread to almighty God, and so make intercession for me, a sinner. When you come back and do not find me here, you will know that your prayers have been heard."With these words he disappeared, thus showing that he was a spirit disguised as a man. The priest spent the entire week in prayer and tearful supplications, offering Mass for him daily. When he returned to the bath, the man was no longer to be found. This incident points out the great benefits souls derive from the Sacrifice of the Mass. Because of these benefits the dead ask us, the living, to have Masses offered for them, and even show us by signs that it was through the Mass that they were pardoned.
My Takeaway
The story of the ghost of Tauriana not a firsthand account. It is related to St. Gregory by trusted individuals, however, and the saint found it credible enough to include in his dialogues. Whether or not the ghost was actually able to unlatch shoes and pass out towels is a matter of opinion - but I think that the bulk of the story could very well be true.
This story is of interest because it describes an apparition of a departed human being. But there are a few other takeaways which I think are worth mentioning.
Making Amends
The ghost was serving in a bathhouse he once owned. While we don't known the exact nature of his sin, we do know that he is now serving there because of his sins. To me, this hints at a need to make reparation.
Most Catholic exorcists and demonologists agree that there are two primary reasons that God may allow a soul to appear to the living. The first is to ask for prayer. The second is to make amends. Reparation and amends are synonyms though their meaning is slightly different. To me, making amends in the Catholic sense can included all of the meanings specified below.
Amends is a synonym of reparation. As nouns the difference between reparation and amends is that reparation is (usually in plural) a payment of time, effort or money to undo past transgression(s) while amends is compensation for a loss or injury; recompense; reparation.
As the owner of the bathhouse, the ghost of Tauriana may have been a proud man or a hard boss. If so, serving in a place he once owned would be the perfect path to purification.
Purgatory on Earth?
The idea of purgatory on earth can be found in some Catholic sources, including the fascinating Purgatory Explained (affiliate link) by Rev. Fr. F. X. Schouppe S.J. which bears a 1893 Imprimatur.
"A very probable opinion,” says St. Thomas, “and one which, moreover, corresponds with the words of the saints in particular revelation, is that Purgatory has a double place for expiation. The first will be destined for the generality of souls, and is situated below, near to Hell; the second will be for particular cases, and it is from thence that so many apparitions occur.” (Suppl., part. 3, ques. ult.). The holy Doctor admits, then, like so many others who share his opinions, that sometimes Divine Justice assigns a special place of purification to certain souls, and even permits them to appear either to instruct the living or to procure for the departed the suffrages of which they stand in need; sometimes also for other motives worthy of the wisdom and mercy of God.
Does such a situation explain some hauntings?
I think it might though I still feel that a true human haunting is an unusual or rare occurrence. To me the correct response to a haunting is to pray for the departed or, as St. Gregory recommends, have a Mass said. Conversing with the spirit (as many paranormal investigators do) would fall under the umbrella of mediumship and should always be avoided.
Any experience of paranormal phenomena is likely to be demonic. So, if you sense or experience anything in your home, please your parish priest to bless the location and consider implementing your own protective measures, as the home owner, after he has finished (I'm planning to talk about this more in an upcoming post).
What Spirits Want
To me, the most important takeaway from St. Gregory's Ghost story, is the clear message that departed want and need prayers and Masses. In my opinion, this is the proper response to any kind of paranormal activity. If the presence is a human spirit praying or having a Mass said will bring peace - to you and to them.
I'd also like to stress that if we believe that a departed loved one, or other human spirit, has come to us in a vivid dream or supernatural apparition - we should NOT assume that we have some sort of special psychic abilities. This is where I went wrong and one reason why I got caught up in spiritism and occult practices.
It's part our fallen nature to become proud and imagine we have some sort of special gift when these things happen, but the story of the ghost of Tauriana does not support this. Instead it makes at three important points.
- The conversation between the living and the dead was limited to the topic of sin, making amends and the request for prayer and Masses. The priest in the story didn't try to contact the spirit again in order to satisfy his own curiosity. Instead, this man of God immediately turned to prayer and supplication and the offering of the Mass. This, in my opinion, is a lesson to us all.
- The spirit said he had been sent to the bathhouse. This is consistent with the fact that the departed appear to us ONLY by the grace of God. They do not chose to be here. We do not summon them. Nor do we see them because we have some special ability that others lack. It is up to God to assign a departed soul to heaven, hell or purgatory. And it is up to Him to allow them to contact the living (though, judging from Luke 16:19-31, it seems that those in hell are not granted this privilege).
- The departed could not eat and, in this case, was unable to take the "holy bread." To me, this sounds like a reminder that the dead cannot receive the Host. This lines up with the Catholic teaching on purgatory, as I understand it. In contrast with our earthly life, once in purgatory we cannot actively develop virtue, but are only able to be passively purified of sin. This is why the holy souls in purgatory need our prayers!
Please check back for my upcoming post on protecting ourselves and our homes!
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- The Dialogues of St. Gregory (affiliate link) is available on Amazon as is Purgatory Explained (affiliate link) by Rev. Fr. F. X. Schouppe S.J. The Dialogues can also be found for free online.
- Please not that if you purchase through one of my affiliate links, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.
I just finished "Death Cult" (affiliate link), the second book in Declan Finn's "Saint Tommy NYPD" Catholic horror series. And I will say this, if you don't think Catholic horror is a thing - you haven't read this series.
I began with the first book in the series - "Hell Spawn" (affiliate link). In this book Detective Tommy Nolan conducts an investigation into a serial killer, battles the MS-13 gang and has a violent show down with the demonic.
Book two (Death Cult) begins with a home invasion that threatens Tommy's own family. From that point on, the book is almost nonstop action as Tommy goes head to head with zombies, the Women's Health Core and a diabolical cult.
As a devout Catholic on the fast track to sainthood, Tommy has some pretty unusual supernatural abilities, including bilocation and the ability to smell evil. Thanks to his role as dedicated cop and family man, who relies on his faith to do a very difficult job, he is believable as well.
"Saint Tommy NYPD" is a true horror series including a high body count and some very violent scenes. In Death Cult, in fact, there is an abortion clinic scene so horrific it would be almost unbelievable - if the author hadn't reminded us of the Kermit Gosnell case a bit earlier on.*
I enjoyed both books and plan to continue on with the series! I am also going to check out the author's vampire fiction.
I'm also going to be digging a little deeper into the genre of horror from a Catholic perspective in an upcoming post, so please check back.
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* Kermit Gosnell is a former MD who was convicted of killing one female patient and three infants who were born alive during late term abortions in his Philadelphia "house of horrors" abortion clinic. Many people question why the trial received so little media coverage relative to the horrific nature of the crimes. To read more about the media response to the Gosnell trial (and the movie that came after) please see the following article in the Courier Times. It is written by JD Mullane, the journalist who took the photo of the trial's empty media seats in 2013 (below).
**Please note- this post contains Amazon affiliate links. This means that if you purchase a book through one of my links I may earn a small commission.
This is the cover for my new Latin-English Rosary ebooklet.
The Latin-English Rosary ebooklet will be an expanded version of my shop's Latin-English Rosary trifold. The ebooklet will be available for digital download and formatted for Kindle or other ereaders. I decided to create a second Latin-English Rosary resource because, while people like the trifold, it really only works as a printable.
This will be my next nonfiction project and my first self-published ebook. Please look for it in my Etsy shop over the summer.
I also wanted to let everyone know that my new 54 Day Novena printable booklet is finished. I will be listing it in the shop next week!
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If you're interested in the Latin-English Rosary trifold, please click here: Rosary Trifold
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