My Book of Dreams?

June 30, 2022


I've been thinking about writing my testimony for some time now.  Not because I want to necessarily but because I feel that my experience of spiritual light and spiritual darkness is a story I need to tell in full.  

When it comes to the actual writing, however, I flounder.  I pray about it.  I try to write it.  I give up.  Then the cycle starts again.

Sometimes I decide it is not worth doing and step away from it entirely.  At other times I get ideas about how I might be able to make it work and start to feel like I can actually do it.  

This week was an idea week.

The idea was that I could base the testimony around the dreams have influenced me the most - for better or for worse - and how sometimes that influence is supernatural in origin. 

I trace the idea back to Catholic exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger and his wonderful book Dominion - where explains how angels and demons communicate with each other and with us.  

Both angels and demons, according to Fr. Ripperger, can put images into our minds.  But only angels can illuminate our minds so that we understand the images we've been given.  This makes sense to me given the confusion that so often accompanies demonic dreams and visions.

The idea - that I could base my testimony around dreams - was intriguing because dreams have been so instrumental to my story - in both good ways and bad ways.  So I decided to look at the (very few) dreams I'd shared in this blog.  One was demonic.  The other, I believe, was not.

Two things jumped out at me about the non-demonic dream,  The first was that it was specifically about me telling my story.  The second was that it also seemed to be about me accepting my authentic self, which I've been doing lately, in this blog and elsewhere, but was definitely not doing then.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this dream was angelic.  But it did speak to me.  

I'm not sure, to be honest, if I will ever publish my testimony.  But I do feel that looking at the role dreams played in my journey is worth doing.  I will be sharing some of what I learn in a future post.

UPDATE:  Since writing this post I've put a short form testimony up on the blog. I'm not currently planning on publishing a full length testimony though I will be continuing to blog and podcast on the New Age and occult.

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  • Read my short form testimony right here on the blog: My Story
  • You can read my authentic self dream here.
  • You can read about the dream that led me into the darkness here.
  • To listen to my audio testimony please see my testimony post (but please keep in mind that both of these recordings were made some time ago and that I see things a little differently now)
PLEASE NOTE: I do NOT believe that dreams should be used to predict the future under any circumstances.  Most dreams are not supernatural.  Those that are can be received from God and his angels OR the demonic.  I will be writing more about how to approach dreams in a future post.

Please also note:  This post contains Amazon affiliate links.  If you purchase a book using one of these links I may receive a small commission at no cost to you.

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Toxic Feminism: A Catholic Perspective

June 21, 2022


In this video I talk about The Anti-Mary Exposed (affiliate link) by Carrie Gress and my own experience with feminism, goddess worship and witchcraft.  

I got a lot out of this book and think the author does a great job of presenting the dark history of feminism, the impact toxic femininity has had on our culture and the spiritual darkness goddess worship.  
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If you like this video, please consider subscribing to my youtube channel at youtube.com/c/BarbaraGraver
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White Noise, EVPs and Spiritual Deception

June 14, 2022


I had been involved in paranormal investigation for a couple of years before the movie White Noise came out in 2005.  Up until that point I had mostly focused on spirit photos and making a written record of the phenomena I had experienced.  After the movie, I became obsessed with the idea of capturing an actual EVP.

It wasn't the movie itself, that triggered this interest but the recorded spirit voices that were played along with the opening credits.  Those voices spoke to me - which should have been a red flag but wasn't.

Not long after the movie came out, I began recording at various locations, both on my own and in the company of friends.  My favorite spot for EVP recording was cemeteries.  In the beginning, I got nothing but static.  But within a few weeks I captured my first clear EVP.

I was very excited.  So excited in fact, that I didn't care that the voice I had recorded was low pitched and ominous.

The EVP itself was only a single word and while most people (including myself) thought the word spoken was 'good' others heard it differently.  What was clear was that it was a word and it that it seemed to be spoken in answer to my question.  It also had a quality I would soon recognize in other preternatural communications of slightly overlapping the question posed. 

At the time, I believed I'd recorded a human spirit, just as claimed in "White Noise" and various books I had read.  And another twelve years would pass before I would fully understand that the spirits I had been communicating with were far from benign. 

This is not to say that departed humans cannot contact the living.  Only that it is a rare occurrence which happens within very narrow perimeters.  According to Church-decreed expert on religious demonology and auxiliary member of the International Association of Exorcists, Adam Blai:

There are Church approved books describing many instances of souls manifesting to the living to signal their need for prayer... Though souls in purgatory have been allowed to speak to the saints, that is usually not the situation for the average person.... In the cases of the saints they did not call up the spirits or seek guidance, information, or comfort from them.  Once the request for prayer was made communication stopped on both sides...  Any communication beyond “help me,” or some other request for prayer, is almost certainly demonic deception.  - Possessions, Exorcisms and Hauntings


As Blai points out, often the first word paranormal investigators hear in their investigations is 'help me' which is a request for prayer.  Sadly, in most cases, no prayers are said.  Instead investigators continue to request communication with any available spirits.  

Most paranormal investigators aren't aware that they're interacting with demonic spirits masquerading as deceased human beings - just like the one I recorded.  Like me, very few realize the influence of such spirits is eventually and inevitably dark.
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To see and hear some of the "evidence" I collected during my time as a paranormal investigator please visit my Paranormal Phenomena page. 

Please note, this page includes Amazon affiliate links.  If you purchase through one of my links I'll earn a small commission to help further my outreach.
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The St. Benedict Medal and Protection from Evil Spirits

June 7, 2022

St. Benedict medal and materials from Christ the King Priory.  

Where I Got My Saint Benedict Medal 

I decided to get a St. Benedict Medal after I heard Catholic exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger recommend it on YouTube.  It was important for me to get a medal that was already blessed so I decided to order mine from the St. Benedict Center at Christ the King Priory a Benedictine monastery, mission and retreat center in Schuyler, Nebraska, US.  

The material and Medal I received from the priory is pictured above.  I chose a smaller sized gold plated Medal. It is very nice, as you can see from the pictures, and was only $10 plus shipping. This is the direct link to order a medal. (Please note, I have no financial relationship with the priory!)

About The Jubilee Medal of St. Benedict

The power of St. Benedict is revealed in this small object that has been fostered by his spiritual sons many years.  Marvelous is the aid which the St. Benedict Medal affords to its devout wearers in the manifold necessities of soul and body. (From the pamphlet included with the Medal as pictured below)

One of the primary protections of the St. Benedict Medal is that it is believed to protect against evil spirits.

Material and pamphlet I received

Origin and Explanation of the Medal

St. Benedict (born at Nursia, Italy, in 480 AD) had a profound veneration for the holy cross and for our Savior Crucified.  In virtue of the Sign of the Cross, he wrought many miracles and exercised great power over the spirits of darkness.  In consequence of the great veneration in which St. Benedict was held from the early Middle Ages, it followed that a Medal was struck. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal)

Meaning of the Latin 

The front of the Medal shows St. Benedict holding a cross and the rule that he wrote to guide his own monastery. This rule is still in use today in Benedictine monasteries around the world. 

Around the image of St. Benedict are these words in Latin:  "May his presence protect us in the hour of death."  St. Benedict has ever been the patron of the dying, because of the circumstances attending his own most glorious death, for he breathed forth his soul while standing in prayer before the Most Blessed Sacrament. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal) 

The Letters on the Other Side of the Medal

On the cross side of the medal we find the letters C S S M L - N D S M D, initials of the words Crux sacra sit mihi lux! Numquam draco sit mihi dux! The English translation for this is, "May the holy cross be my light! May the dragon never be my overlord!"). The large C S P B stand for Crux Sancti Patris Benedicti or "The Cross of [our] Holy Father Benedict."  This letters are pictured in my St. Benedict medal below.  

The other side of my medal
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